mybrain101

I feel like I have so much to write in here.
I have no idea where to start or how people react or if anyone even reads it. but i do know that once i get my thoughts together i will eventually write it down. weather its here or not who knows.
Things in my life have changed so much in the past year and i can't say all of it was for the better but i do know that I am extremely happy right now and thats the best part. I wish I didn't loose my best friend from high school because i catch myself missing the good times we used to have. (I hope you're doing well) I wish my college best friend didn't have to move to Nashville. But I know we'll be best friends for a long time. and my first trip down there shortly will be awesome. And i really wish that I wasn't afried to go home. But in the long run I am in a wonderful relationship right now and couldn't be happier or more open then i've ever been. We just clicked and that makes everything so much more easier even with all the complications. Lifes a little stressful but I feel like I've been able to surround myself with people that I learned to open up to and trust. which i owe a thanks to those friends from high school for essentially teaching me how to do so. So as this year comes to a close and another summer in York City approaches, with SO Many fun things planned, I cannot wait to see whats ahead of me. Some will undoubtably be good and some will undoubtablly be bad but I know now its all for a reason and if I'm smart enough ill soak it all in while I can. Because the real world is fast approaching.

The past needs to learn to stay in the past...
It just seems like everything in the past is coming back to me and i'm not liking it so much. My past grades seem to be biting me with psp. someone from ursinus asked me to come hang out and that just seems suspicious. Someone from ursinus came out to Phi Sigma Pi today and that was strange casue is saw that kid in seeing double. My history with exs needs to stop, stopping me from moving on with this guy now. The things that happened in dec need to stop shaping my friendships. its done move on grow up we have to see each other especailly if were going to be in the same circle of friends. There are other things but there not as weird or interesting.
I like were i'm at now with friends. i actually like it a little to much so much that i will probably be rather upset come May when it all changes. AGAIN. But thats life and i can tell things will be different this time around. So the past can stay there and stop trying to resurface and bring me down.

SO with everything thats been happening to me with the appendix stuff and everything and all the time that i've had to sit around and do nothing but think...

I do NOT miss anything or anyone pertaining to highschool. I love my life for the most part i can do without the debt that i'm in but thats neither here nor there. I love my best friend. I love my roomate. I love that I know how to get around here as well as Jackson, but even better things are way closer in proximity. I love that I have spots that i can go to. I love that I have achieved one of my life goals of people knowing me at a diner when i walk in. (its easier when you go in at 2am with your friends drunk easier to remember) lol...
Best part is that I know things are gunna change soon and i'm alright with it. I can't wait for my best friend to move to Texas, mostly so I can go and visit and then pick out our apartment and move half way across the country and basically start over it is going to be great. even if we don't get an apartment I know I'll be starting over soon and i'm excited.

Hens

this whole my appendix coming out needs to stop hurting like now...

i need to get back to class and i definatly need to get back to the outside world.

Tomarrow is five months since the mugging...

I thought i was better then this I thought it wouldn't still have such an effect on me and my everyday life as it does. I walk around with a knife all the time and if I don't have it i feel naked and very very valnerable. I am jumpie at the littlest things. I dunno I thought I would have been better then I am right now, some people want me to go back cause they think I'm not right in the head, then others think that I'm fine and that this stuff just takes time. I think I fall somewhere in the middle of that. I want to go back to therepy so I can get better faster. AS much as getting mugged with someone eles was helpful, i guess thats the only way i can put it. Me and Amanda always said it was a blessing and a curse, a curse becasue you never want anything to happen you your friends, but also a blessing cause we knew what we were going through and are abel to help each other out. but at the same time I wish other people didn't have someone eles to compare me to. they say it doesn't seem like amanda is so jumpy and amanda isn't always so edgy why are you? How am i supposed to answer that? I know alls i can do is work at it and i will be doing that. but i wish it would just hurry up....lol

Classes start wed, I'm hoping this semester is a little better then last. I'm hoping I'll be, being left behind later rather then sooner. and I hope there is as little drama as possible. I am planning formal and am almost right on schdule, it will most probably be one of the highlights of the semester at least i hope.

thats all i have for now...

Comment if you want...your welcome to it

I cannot wait to put this year behind me getting going on this new stage in my life...

it looks like its getting set up for a good start. don't want to jnx anything tho...

soon i will move to texas and be out of this general area with a friend that is great and something new and fun...

sometihng to look forward to...

"Do not look back and grieve over the past, for it is gone; and do not be troubled about the future, for it has not yet come. Live in the present, and make it so beautiful that it will be worth remembering." Ida Scott Taylor

IT is so true...

I am honestly happy with my life right now...the only problem is that I'm not used to it lol

I got rid of a lot of trash in my life, things that I thought were good for me but were probably just bringing me down. Since I got rid of the trash I made a lot of room for greater additions. Things like great friends, a new kitten AKA Timmy, a better attitude, some direction, and a better outlook on life. THe future is looking good for me. All those shitty events that happened to me this summer did nothing but show me that life moves on. Sometimes you don't want it to and that you even want to go back in time to a time that you thought was better for you or to friends you thought were the best. But working through all of the probelms in my head opened my eyes to everything that wasn't as great as I thought it was. This was the best realization of my life. Why should I worry about the past and try to analize it when fixing it is impossible. And me worrying about the future is retarded when what i do now is what shapes what happens later. So for now I am thankful for my new best friends Amanda, Sam, Reed,Katrina, and Heather. They truely are good people because i refuse to surround myself with anything less. I have to thank them for helping me through some of these tough times, especailly Amanda. She is a genueinly good person she helped me so much and never looks for anything in return, alls she says is " this is what friends do." I have goals that i will accomplish within the next year and a half and with the intership oppurtunity today it is looking like it's well on its way. I'm happy and I plan on staying this way for a really long time.

I can't change the Past, but I will use what happened to help mold my Future.

Hensley

It's amazing how much life can change in a couple months...

its to bad too, their lose and some other peoples awesome gain...

tomarrow will always happen weather you're ready for it or not

I am going camping in 2 days with two of the best people that i know...Amanda Purrazzella and Sam Novack this is gunna top every and any trip i've ever taken...maybe even the disney trips...probably.  I'm going to freeze but i'm alright with that.  Going to be out in the woods with my thoughts and my best friends its gunna be awesome and everyone who reads this should probably be really jealous...lol the pictures we are gunna have i'll post but its going to be gorgeous and if i work up enough balls i'm gunna ride one of those natue made water slides...lol

ALright pictures to come...Much Love


I am doing just fine, its a shame you'll never see who i've become you would be proud...


EDIT:
I WAS RIGHT it was the best trip ever...even better then disney...I love my friends who they are and how they are awesome...
To sum up the trip:
"As long as we can laugh at the end of making fun of each other then everything will be just fine"

Big thanks to Sam for thinking of this idea
Bigger thanks to Amanda for driving...
Love you guys so much

I sent it...its out of my hands

now i'm building up courage to walk to my friends halfway down the street.

i hate this, all of it more then anyone can know...

Life is entirely to complicated for my own good right now...

I have to deal with the mugging and thats going alright i'm starting to feel more comfortable, not nesscerily more safe.  Karen is awesome so far i like her so things are working out well on that front.  I am very happy that amanda has looked into and found someplace to go although it sounds like she might not be clicking with who she found but in time i'm sure she will, and until then were there for each other and its awesome.  I am so lucky to have found the core group that i did and i concider myself lucky.  The mugging unfortunatly had to open my eyes to other things, and i'm dealing with that to.  maybe some kind of action is going to have to take place i'm thinking about it but in the end i'm 100% done with the situation answers are all i would really like to have. 

moveng on from that like we don't have enough on our plate a friend that i met through amanda this summer has tried t comit sucide now two times in the last four days.  and its getting the point where it is so draining. I feel bad for my friend and never want to see anyone hurt themselves, but what he is doing to  my friend is totally unexceptable.  she is getting dragged into it and she has enough on her own plate without all this.  so finally last nigh ti heard her say that she was done so alls i can do now is try and help her out.   in this instance there is totally something called being to good of a person.    But she promised whe wouldn't go see him and is now going to jersey for a bit.

Whatever is going on with my father needs to stop like now...

On a brighter note...

Amanda Sam and I are going on a serious camping trip over fall break.  We are going on a four day trip through the mountains.  It is going to be so great.  out with my two great friends, and nothing but some cloths and stuff.  no cell phone, no computers no civilazation it is going to be great.  Being on mountains, finding waterfalls, sleeping in a tent, making fires, and NOT telling ghost stories.  I cannot wait.   on that note if anyone has a backpack or anything that can go with out for a bit and i can barrow shoot me a comment of email...that would be great. 

I'm done

 Fuck my life seriously. I have no luck with the boys. OF all things that is one thing i believe you can't change. 

Hopefully it'll be a little better after a batman filled day and Dark Knight in IMax...

I think all Divorces suck.  But this one is especially going to suck.  

As documentation I want to say on here that I will not takes sides and that I will be friends with whom ever i want and If she wants to act like a teenage girl battleing for a prom date thats up to her but i will be a better person then that.  

This is gunna suck SOOOO much....hxc

SO Junior year is over and It was everything I could have wished for.  I got everything i wanted out of it.  even up until the very end of it i can say that i enjoyed this last year of my life more then any other one.  It wasn't all great there was the Jaime situation in the beginning and well i can honestly say that i did nothing but learn from it.  how to be a good friend and that just by sticking by someone can make a big difference,  THanks to Jaime for everything i mean you listened to me whine as much as i listened to you.  I also learned how to be a good long distance friend, both through jaime and Robin.  One visit ccan mean a lot i've learned through these two individuals.   I joined Rec society of which now i am the VP, I am second in charge of mens Basketball managing, thats funny u can just lagh at that one, and i am a Brother of Phi Sigma Pi.  Made many friends through these two bad a lot of them graduated, but when all is said and done i am so happy to have at least met them.  With Phi Sigma Pi came some really good friends, weather they be fellow initates or older brothers.  I seriously think that I've mad at least some more life long friends, good friends, "my girls"  they mad the end of initating a lot more barealbe, so thanks Katrina, Heather, Liz and Jen.  There were some older brothers amanda, mary ann, and others, thanks. THen there are the Boys, my boys of Richland 401, Marcus the loud and straight forward guy, Jeff the artist and vulger dude, and Dwayne my BFF for life we seriouly will be best friends forever and i know you got my back and vise versa. Richland 202 seriously i couldn't have wished for better.  inseperable for a really long time there, but even so always looking out for one another.  Kristy was annoying at times but who isn't and was an awesome roomate.  I think I found another best friend in Brittany and 819 Manor will be a repeat of this year i am sure.  So thank you York COllege for everything, I found a place, a place where I feel comfortable a place to escape, a place where friends are, and a place that i can call my Home away from home.  

Friends from home I wish you would have visited so you could know what i was talking about, so you could have seen it, experienced it, seen me happy.  

" I learned not to always expect the worst because you might find out that you'll find the best."

Hensley, Peanut, Henners, Hens, Gin Wrec

One less friend but Four good friends gained.  I'll take the trade.  I will only have good for myself from now on.  I guess it only took a little quote from Katrina " Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me, fool me more then that you're just asking for it!!"  
I love the "girls" (Katrina, Heather, Jen, and Liz) theres always a new beginning.  

Hensley
AKA Gin Wrec lol